The manners of humor:

 Dear brother, we are still discussing the social education of children, and the topic of today is the manners of humor. It is unacceptable that the father spends his time at home oppressing and suppressing his children and in frowning, instructing, giving orders, rebuking and admonishing them. Such a father will not gain his children's love and they will break away from him and incline to spend their time in the street and with their friends. On the other hand, the house, that has a joyful environment where there are humor and joking, is an attractive one provided delicate requirements for that humor is considered in it. The Prophet PBUH was humorous, but he was truthful in his joking.

 We studied at the university a subject that is called, Humor in Education, which means that it is essential in education. Also, most of the notable figures were humorous. As I said, the Prophet PBUH was humorous, but he was truthful in his joking. How great is the father who enters his house and says a nice joke to his children and play with them since this behavior brings smiles to their faces, spreads joy in the house and makes them affable with him and closer to him. However, our lecture today is not about the legality of joking, but rather it is about the requirements of joking. I hope that every teacher, father, leader, head of a family, mother, store owner, hospital manager or minister has the sense of humor, with which he can spread joyful environment, so that those around him will rejuvenate their energy and will be charged with power.

The requirements of humor:

1- Joking with people should be less as like the salt in food:

 Telling a joke in a lecture refreshes the attendants' minds. Let me before proceeding with this point tell you that it is unacceptable to spread oppression, suppression, scolding, rebuking and reproaching in the house, is it? Children will stay out if their home is like this, and you can notice that the children who are raised in such a house spend their time in the street and with their friends, and the house in this case is like a hotel for them wherein they eat and sleep only. On the other hand, how wonderful it is to have a house wherein the child sits with his father for hours enjoying his speech, his smile and his affableness. This is how the Prophet PBUH used to be and he used to smile upon entering his home. Also, he used to say:

((Do not hate daughters, for they are amiable and precious.))

[Al-Hakim and At-Tabarani by Uqbah Ibn Amer]

 I am not saying that you should spend all the time joking for this is impossible, but what I am trying to say is that the members of the family look up to you as a father, so your words should be nice, you should have a sense of humor and you should smile. A man said once to me, "Why all scholars do not smile", which is in fact unacceptable, for the scholar should have the sense of humor in order to attract people to him. I once came across an amazing saying by Imam Ash-Shafi'i which is, "Showing seriousness during a picnic is not a sense of dignity." He means that when you go for a picnic, do not show high seriousness with an air of high solemnity without smiling or laughing, for this is not a picnic, "Showing seriousness during a picnic is not a sense of dignity." Also, it is said, "Exaggerating in decency is an indecent thing." I ask all fathers to turn their homes into Paradise and this will not happen unless the father smiles, jokes with his kids, has the sense of humor and is nice and merciful. Such traits attract the children to the house and make them gather around their father. However, having humor in the house is just like putting salt in food, for if it is excessive it will spoil the food.

Abundant humor spoils loftiness:

 It is said that abundant humor spoils loftiness, for the father who jokes a lot will be undermined by his children, and his instructions will be overlooked and neglected. As I said, joking should be like salt in food, so any excessive amounts will spoil the food. Thus, one joke during a meeting is fine, or one or two jokes during the entire evening is acceptable, but telling a joke after another will leave no room for educating the children, for serious talks or for quality time with the father.

 Evenings are spent sometimes entirely in joking and all the members of the family tell the sh3er all the jokes they know, but this is a waste of time, and it is an evening that has no education or benefit. Therefore, the first thing is that humor should be as less as salt in the food, because any excessive amounts will spoil it.

((Anas Ibn Malik heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "I have nothing to do with diversions and diversions have nothing to do with me." He meant that he does not do anything worthless."))

[At-Tabarani and Al-Bukhari by Anas]

 Ad-Didd (diversions) is to be humorous all the time, while the Prophet's assembly was full of loftiness, benediction, preaching, instructing and facts, but it did not lack humor from time to time.

2- Man's humor should not involve a craft, a race, a party, a cult or a sect:

 Humor during a lecture is a needed break for the students. It is like the break the believer takes after walking in a hot desert on the sand and dust and becoming exhausted. When he comes across an oasis wherein he finds water to drink and a palm tree to sit under its shadow and to eat from its dates, this is a break he needs from the tiresome trip. However, as for jokes, not all kinds of joke are suitable for lectures, for sometimes only one out of 50 jokes is suitable. By the way, some jokes make fun of a craft for example, but this is not acceptable to be said.

 You are a teacher or a father and making fun of a craft in front of your child will make him repeat it in front of his friends, so if the father of one of them works in this craft he will be offended, and they might fight. Therefore, it is forbidden to make fun of people, crafts or specific social groups. As I have just said, not all jokes are proper to be said before children, and sometimes only one out of 100 is suitable, because it is neutral, and it does not offend a person in particular, a cult, a sect, a color, a race, a group of people, a craft or a city.

The Prophet PBUH used to serve his family at home:

 Dear brother the Prophet PBUH conveyed the greatest message in man's history, yet he used to be cheerful, and he used to have a smiley face whenever he entered his house. Moreover, he PBUH used to behave normally like other members of his family. For instance, he used to sweep the floor, patch his clothes, sew his slippers, feed the cat and help his wives in the households. Also, he used to have some fun when put Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein on his back to make them happy. This is how the Prophet PBUH used to be in his household. Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated:

((The Prophet PBUH used to chit chat with us, but when we enter prayer (Salah's time), he used to devote himself entirely to the prayer (Salah).))

 Therefore, the first requirement for joking is to avoid making it abundantly, so it should be like the salt in food, which any excessive amounts of will spoil the food. The second requirement is that the joke should not offend any craft, group of people, religion, sect or any person.

 A king was wandering in his kingdom, so he stepped into a garden where he found a blindfolded horse with a bell on his head, and that horse was turning around a water wheel (to bring out water), so the king asked the owner of the garden, "Why did you blindfold its eyes?" The owner answered, "I did that so it will not become dizzy." Well, that was a convincing answer, but the king asked again, "What is the bell for?" The owner said, "If it stops I will know", and then the king thought a little bit then asked, "What if the horse stops and shakes its head?" The owner answered, "Do you think the horse has a reason like yours?"

The righteous deed usually thrives and becomes bigger by time:

  Some people assume unrealistic situations, just like the king in the anecdote I have just mentioned and like the companion I am about to refer to.

((The Prophet PBUH was once asked, "How could the servant of Allah be saved from Hellfire?" To which the Prophet PBUH said, "By Believing in Allah." The man asked, "Should this faith be accompanied with deeds?" The Prophet answered, "He should give from whatever Allah provides him with." The man asked, "What if he does not have anything to give the poor?" The Prophet PBUH said, "Then let him enjoin Ma'roof and forbid Munkar." The man asked, "What if he is not qualified to do so?" The Prophet PBUH said, "Let him give a hand to the helpless." Each time the Prophet PBUH gave him a path to avoid Hellfire, the man closed it so the Prophet PBUH said, "Do you not want to give this man any credit with which he may avoid Hellfire? If he is really so then let him avoid harming people." At that point the man asked the critical question: "If he does so, will he enter Paradise?" The Prophet PBUH said, "Whoever does any deed of the aforementioned deeds; it will take his hand until it admits him to Paradise."))

 This means that the deeds, whether they are good or evil, will be greater by time.

 Some people use words of wisdom when they discuss things or deal with other people. I have a relative whose mother had an intractable disease, so he brought her a physician, given her psychological status was very bad, so when the physician arrived he raised Hell on my relative and said, "Your mum suffers from nothing serious, so why did you bring me from my house and cost me the trouble, time and money for such a situation?" His words brought comfort to the mother. In the past they used to call the physician "Hakim" which means "Wise", because his mission was not only to treat the patient but to bring comfort to him. Contrary to that, the American way is to tell the patient what he suffers from frankly, such as telling him that he has cancer and that he has only 4 months to live (for example). This might cause his prompt death, and this is what happened to a patient in Damascus who died the next day after the doctor told him that he had only 4 months to live.

Be not so soft as to be squeezed dry nor so stiff as to be broken:

 Pay attention to this delicate point: taking an extreme stand is easy but being moderate is hard. Accordingly, it is easy to be oppressive and to hit your child if he says a word, to badmouth him if he says another word and to kick him if he says a third word. This is a repressive way. On the other hand, it is very easy to give free rein to the children, so if he talks rudely to his mother, she does not react, or if he hits his brother, she does not punish him, so it is easy to go to the extremes. Leaving your child puzzled is the best thing you can do. In other words, let him love you as much as he fears you and fears you as much as he loves you, and doing this marks your success as a father and an educator. Allah says that Prophets, peace be upon him, used to worship Him with hope and fear:

﴾with hope and fear﴿

[Al-Anbiya', 90]

 Allah says the same about the believers:

﴾ in fear and hope﴿

[As-Sajdah, 16]

 It is easy to have a household that is full of suppressive attitude, rebuking, badmouthing and gloominess, and it is easy to be soft on your children, but in both ways you will lose them. I was once in a visit, and the furniture of the guest room is neatly wrapped with an ironed snow-like white fabric, but the son of one of the guests came in with filthy shoes, and he put it on the sofa, so I could not bear the carelessness of his father. Some fathers are so careless with their children's behavior that all people around them will hate them for that. The more you discipline your son and teach him manners, the more people love him, and the more you neglect teaching him manners, the more people hate him.

 I would like to repeat again: going to the extreme is easy (being suppressive or soft), while success lies in making your son loves you as much as he fears you, and fears you as much as he loves you. Allah says:

﴾ with hope and fear﴿

[Al-Anbiya', 90]

 The Prophets, peace be upon them, and the believers worship Allah in such a way:

﴾ in fear and hope﴿

[As-Sajdah, 16]

 Lenience without weakness and firmness without violence is the perfect attitude.

Father's and teacher's success lies in having joy in their presence not absence:

 A writer said, "I had, in the past, a brother-in-faith and his view of the world as something insignificant made him great in my eyes. He was above being controlled by the needs of his appetency, and thus he never craved for what he could not get nor would he ask for more of what he got. He was silent most of the time, but when he spoke, he silenced the other speakers and quenched the thirst [for answers] of questioners. He was [apparently] weak and feeble but at the time of battle he was like the lion of the forest."

 Our Master Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, used to say, "As laughter increases respect decreases, so fear joking, for it undermines chivalry and manliness." Exaggeration is bad in all cases, so as a father, you can be successful when your children celebrate your arrival as they celebrate the Eid, but if it is Eid for your children when you leave home then this proves your failure as a father due to your harshness.

 Some teachers are very successful in their career, and once a brother said to me, "My son cries his eyes out at the weekend, because he does not see his teacher." Being a successful teacher like that is not a hard mission, for all you need is to control and discipline the classroom through affection, consideration, education and mentoring instead of saying harsh words.

The moral person is praised (by sh3er) in his absence:

 The first standard (for the success or the failure of the teacher and the father) is making the children happy in his presence not in his absence, and the second standard is to be praised in his absence, because oppressors are praised only in their presence, so ask yourself, "Am I praised in my presence or in my absence?" Your success lies in being praised in your absence. The Prophets, peace be upon them, are praised in their absence whereas tyrants are praised only in their presence.
  It is easy to be praised especially by people who do that to avoid your evil or to get some of your giving, and this is how people deal with powerful oppressive people. The father might be forceful, but his real success is manifested when his son talks to his friend about him and says, "I love my father so much" instead of singing his father's praises only in his presence, for some children are very clever to such an extent that they play the role of dutifulness in order to avoid their father's wrath.

The gravest kind of humor is to make fun of man's physical appearance:

 Dear brother, the following Ayah is the foundation of our topic:

﴾ O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. one of the Muttaqun (pious)]. ﴿

[Al-Hujuraat, 13]

((Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Many a person with shaggy and dusty hair, dusty and driven away from doors (because of their poverty and shabby clothes) were to swear by Allah (that something would happen), Allah will certainly make it happen."))

[Muslim by Abi Hurairah]

 In fact, the gravest humor and the one which brings about Allah's Wrath is when you make fun of someone's physical appearance (like the way he looks).

((Narrated Aishah, Ummul Mu'minin: I said to the Prophet (PBUH): It is enough for you in Safiyyah that she is such and such (the other version than Musaddad's has:) meaning that she was short-statured. He replied; You have said a word which would change the sea if it were mixed in it. She said: I imitated a man before him (out of disgrace). He said: I do not like that I imitate anyone even if I should get such and such.))

 Man cannot control what he looks like.

((Whenever the Prophet PBUH looked at the mirror he used to supplicate, "O Allah, just as You have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful as well."))

[Abu Ya'la by Abdullah bin Abbas]

 It is one of Allah's greatest Graces to grant someone a perfect physical appearance, so man has no right to make fun of someone else's look, simply because he is not the one who made it that way, but rather Allah created him that way. Al-Ahnaf Ibn Qais, one of the Followers (At-Tabi'een) short, dark, and club-footed. He had inclined chin, bulging out cheeks and sunken eyes. There was no ugly attribute but he had a part of it. Nevertheless, he was the leader of his tribe. He was so beloved by his people to the extent that when he got angry, 100.000 people would unsheathe their swords to fight with him without even asking about the reason behind his anger

Knowledge and work are the standards to evaluate people:

 By the way, the nation which evaluates people according the standards mentioned in the Noble Quran shall excel, but the nation which evaluates people according to mundane standards shall stay in benightedness. The only two standards considered in the Quran to evaluate people are knowledge and deeds. Allah the Almighty says:

﴾ "Are those who know equal to those who know not?"﴿

[Az-Zumar, 9]

 In another Ayah, Allah the Almighty says:

﴾ Allah will exalt in degree those of you who believe, and those who have been granted knowledge﴿

[Al-Mujadilah, 11]

 Allah also says:

﴾ For all there will be degrees (or ranks) according to what they did.﴿

[Al-An'am, 132]

 Knowledge and deeds are the only standards.

Man should use the Quranic standards:

  As for cleverness, beauty, richness or power, these are standards that are overlooked by the Noble Quran (in evaluating people). It is wrong to evaluate people according to how much they own. The Prophet PBUH said:

((Whoever humbles himself before a rich man (seeking worldly interests), loses two thirds of his faith.))

[Al-Baihaqi in Shu'ab Al-Iman by Ibn Mas'ood]

 The same goes for the powerful, for whoever feigns humility before a rich or a powerful person will lose two thirds of his religion. The Prophet PBUH said:

((Seek the things you need with self-respect and dignity (bi 'izzati anfus), for all matters run according to Divine Ordainment.))

[Collected by Ibn Asakir and related by Abdullah bin Bisr with a weak Sanad]

 It was related in a Qudsi Hadith, Allah says:

((I am Allah, there is no king besides Me I am king of kings, The hearts of kings are in my control. When my servants obey me, then I fill their king’s hearts with leniency and mercy. When my servants disobey me, then I fill their kings hearts with vengeance and hatred towards them, so then the kings harm and punish them, Do not busy yourself in cursing them rather remember Allah and make yourselves humble, I will suffice you against these kings.))

[At-Tabarani by Abi Ad-Darda'a]

Modesty, kindness and smiling attract people's hearts:

  A brother, who works as a teacher in Jeddah, told me about what once happened to him. He said, "I just poured myself a cup of tea, when the class bell rang. Our director was very strict, and he asked all teachers to head to their classes once the bell rang." The teacher did not want to make a mistake and come to his class late. He said that he saw one of the janitors of the school, so he gave him the tea.

 The next day that same janitor asked him, "Why did you give me the tea?" He said, "I wanted to be generous to you." He said, "I have been working in here for two years, and no one has ever said a greeting word to me." When the teacher offered him the tea he caught his attention although the truth was that he was forced to give it to him in order to earn his amicability. The janitor said, "I have got a university degree in Science from a country that is far from here (from the Philippines). The teacher said, "By Allah I did not believe him." Thus, he invited him to his house, showed him an encyclopedia of sciences in English language, and asked him some questions about it. The janitor answered the questions and explained them scientifically, so the teacher believed that he was an educated young man. After a month or two, the teacher used to invite him and his friends (who were about ten young men) to meet once a week with him. As a result, all those young men embraced Islam. How much their acceptance to Islam cost the teacher? It cost him a cup of tea he offered to the Janitor!!! The Prophet PBUH said:

((Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother (Muslim) with a cheerful face.))

 The brother (the teacher) swore to me that he spent one or two years on cloud nine, because Allah allowed him to convince people who used to be Buddhist with Islam, and all of that good came from one cup of tea that was given to the janitor who turned to be a highly educated person. It is a weird story but it happened to one of my relatives. The good word you say and your smile are considered Sadaqah (i.e you will be rewarded for them).

 Once after I finished my lecture, a brother approached me, and he introduced me to his cousin, so I shook his hands warmly and pressed on his hand and said to our brother, "Look after your cousin", then I said to him, "I hope that you liked the lecture son." The young man said, "I liked it very much." After that incident, the cousin never missed a lecture, and he used to say, "After Dr. Rateb shook my hands warmly, smiled and asked my cousin to look after me, I could not stop attending his lectures." A smile is Sadaqah, so is shaking hands with sh3er. The Prophet PBUH used to be the last to pull his hand from a handshake, and as for you, you are able to win people's hearts by your smile, kindness and humility.

Generalization is but blindness, and it does not exist in the Quran:

 Let me tell you one more thing, beware of generalization, for it is the outcome of blindness, and the one who generalizes is insight-blinded. You can derive this fact from the Noble Quran; Allah the Almighty says:

﴾A party of the people of the Scripture ﴿

[Aal-'Imran, 113]

 In another Ayah, Allah the Almighty says:

﴾ And, verily, many partners oppress one another﴿

[Saad, 24]

 Allah does not say "All partners". Thus, man's exalted culture is presented when he avoids generalization and is objective in his judgments, for objectivity is a moral and scientific value. When you are objective, you are scientific and moral, because objectivity makes man neutral when he judges things, and so he describes matters as they are. Basically, science by definition is to describe the thing as it is after putting forth a proof of it.

 When you say a joke and generalize saying that all the people of a certain town are so and so, this is a grave error. Thus, keep in mind this rule, "Generalization is out of blindness and Allah never generalizes in the Quran."

﴾ And, verily, many partners oppress one another﴿

[Saad, 24]

﴾A party of the people of the Scripture ﴿

[Aal-'Imran, 113]

Harsh humor is one of the big sins:

 Unfortunately, I have to finish this lecture with a very serious point. Harsh humor (pranks and the like) is harmful, like hiding a very important thing from someone who has a tempter, because this might make him say harsh words. In fact, hiding things from people or saying to them fake bad news might bring about heart attacks or may be death. Allah says:

﴾ Say: 'Perish in your rage ﴿

[Aal-'Imran, 119]

 The coarse person might cause someone's death by delivering to him bad news, threatening him or hiding something important from him in a prank. A soldier once pulled a prank by hiding the rifle of his friend, the latter had a heart attack because they had a harsh commander who would send the one who used to lose his weapon to jail for two or three months, so that prank caused him a heart attack.

 Dear brother, harsh humor is dangerous and delivering fake bad news to people, falsely threatening them or hiding something important from them is considered one of the greatest sins.

((Narrated Abdl Rahman Ibn Abu Layla: The Companions of the Prophet (PBUH) told us that they were travelling with the Prophet (PBUH). A man of them slept, and one of them went to the rope which he had with him. He took it, by which he was frightened. The Prophet (PBUH) said: It is not lawful for a Muslim that he frightens a Muslim.))

[Abu Dawod by some companions]

 One of the most significant Hadith is the following: the Prophet PBUH said:

((Do not embarrass people (till their faces turn red).))

[Mentioned in the relic]

 It is very harsh to put someone in an embarrassing situation.

((Do not embarrass people (till their faces turn red).))

 In another Hadith, the Prophet PBUH said:

((Do not intimidate the Muslim, for intimidating a Muslim is grave oppression))

[At-Tabarani by Amir bin Rabee'ah]

The Prophet would never leave the boundaries of the truth while joking:

  Joking should be in truthful things and should not involve lying. The Prophet PBUH used to be humorous, but when he used to joke, he would never lie. Joking sometimes involves lying, but the Prophet PBUH said:

((Narrated Mu'awiyah Ibn Jaydah al-Qushayri: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: Woe to him who tells things, speaking falsely, to make people laugh thereby. Woe to him! Woe to him!))

[Abu Dawod and At-Tirmizi by Mu'awiyah Ibn Jaydah]

((Narrated Sufyan Ibn Asid al-Hadrami: I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say: It is great treachery that you should tell your brother something and have him believe you while you are lying.))

[Abu Dawod by Sufyan Ibn Asid al-Hadrami]

 The last Hadith:

((The believer may acquire all sorts of characteristics except treachery and lying))

[Narrated by Imam Ahmad from Abu Umaamah Al-Baahili]

 Humor also is included because it might involve lying which is forbidden. How do some people dare to put a fake obituary as a prank? Well, such jokes cause enormous troubles. There are other sorts of pranks that are as grave as major sins, because they are harmful, disturbing and depressing.

((Narrated Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "There are three things which, whether undertaken seriously or in jest, are treated as serious: Marriage, divorce and taking back a wife (after a divorce which is not final).))

[Abu Dawod and At-Tirmizi by Abi Hurairah]

 If you say to your worker, "I will make you my partner in business in the future", he will believe your promise and will build dreams on it, and he will tell his father the happy news, while you are just kidding him, but this is not a joke at all. Promising an employee to be your partner is not a joke, I seek refuge from such sort of joking. Also, if you say that you will propose to so and so young woman, people will convey the good news to her, and she will be very happy waiting for you, only you are joking, which is unacceptable.

We should stay away from the humor which brings about Allah's Wrath:

 Believe me dear brother, some sorts of joking bring Allah's Wrath, like joking about marriage, partnership, travelling or giving a job. These matters should not be subjects of people's jokes.

((Narrated Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet (PBUH) said: There are three things which, whether undertaken seriously or in jest, are treated as serious: Marriage, divorce and taking back a wife (after a divorce which is not final).))

  The Prophet PBUH said:

((A servant of Allah will not have a true faith until he leaves lying in joking and he leaves debating even if he is honest))

[Ahmad by Abi Hurairah]

 The humor should never involve lying, but rather if man wants to joke, he should be honest.

((Anas Ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, reported, A resident of the wilderness whose name was Zaahir (Ibn Hiraam Al-Ashja'ee), whenever he visited the Prophet PBUH he brought with him presents of the wilderness, vegetables etc., and presented it to him. When he intended to leave Madinah, the Prophet PBUH used to present him with provisions of the city. Once the Prophet PBUH said, "Zaahir is our wilderness, and we are his city." The Prophet PBUH was attached to him. Zaahir was not very handsome. The Prophet PBUH once approached him while he was selling his merchandise then the Prophet PBUH caught him in between the arms from the back in such a manner that he (Zaahir) could not see him. Zaahir said, "Who is this? Leave me." But when he saw with the corner of his eye that it was the Prophet PBUH, he straightened his back and began pressing it to the chest of the Prophet PBUH (For as long as he gained this opportunity it was better than a thousand gifts). The Prophet PBUH then said, "Who will purchase this slave?" Zaahir replied, "O Rasool of Allah, if you shall sell me, you will be selling a defective thing, and will earn a very little sum." The Prophet PBUH said, "No, you are not defective in the sight of Allah, but very valuable."))

 Dear brother, I hope that every father, teacher, mother or company's manager inclines to be humorous but not excessively, and his jokes should not insult a person, a career, a party, a religion or a nation, and remember that there is lot of outstanding ways to joke without offending anyone.