- Islamic Education / Children education in Islam
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- Chidren education 2008
All praise be to Allah, the Lord of the creations, and peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, the truthful and the honest. Oh Allah our Lord, lead us from the depth of darkness and illusion, unto the lights of erudition and knowledge, and from the muddy shallows of lusts unto the heavens of Your Vicinity.
Dear brother, this is the fifth lesson of the topic; Educating Children in Islam. We are still discussing the moral education.
The One Who Exceeds You in Good Character, Has Exceeded You in Religion:
First of all, the entire religion is good character, so if good character no more exists faith will disappear with it, and when faith no more exists, then Islam will vanish. . Without morals Islam becomes merely a culture, traditions, and folklore. If morals are removed from Islam, Islam will become nothing.
Ibn al-Qayyim, who is one of the well known scholars in Islam, said, "The entire religion is good character, so the one who exceeds you in good character, has exceeded you in religion." Our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was granted miracles, revelation, eloquence, beauty, and other innumerous attributes. However, when Allah wants to praise him, what does He say?
﴾You are of the highest noble character﴿
Let me ask you this question; what attracts people to you? It is not your worship, your wealth, your strength or your intelligence. People are attracted to you because of your good character, your modesty, your justice, your generosity and your courage.
The Moral Education is the Most Crucial Issue in Islam:
Moral education is the most crucial issue in Islam; that is why we start with it. Dear brother, I tell you that as a Muslim you may commit mistakes, but the true believer is the one who repents when he commits mistakes,
((Every son of Adam is a sinner and the best of sinners are those who repent))
However, the believer is not a liar. It is reported in some As7adeth that,
((A believer is naturally disposed to all the traits except betrayal and lying.))
The believer may be an elegant person who cares a lot about his appearance, or someone who is less elegant than sh3er. He could be someone who cares a lot about how his house looks like, or who does not care much about his house. . A believer can be social or shy, optimistic or pessimistic. A believer can have all these traits,
((A believer is naturally disposed to all the traits except betrayal and lying))
The true believer never lies nor betrays. You should always be honest in front of your children. Actually, people learn through their eyes not their ears. For instance, if you lie in front of your child by asking him to tell your friend that you are not at home, you are throwing away one hundred lessons about honesty your child has learned. You will make your child forget all about the honesty lessons once you lie in front of him, because people learn through their eyes not ears.
Listen carefully to the Hadith I have mentioned earlier,
((A believer is naturally disposed to all the traits except betrayal and lying))
It does not matter if the believer is urban, rural, rich, poor, well-educated or illiterate. What really matters is that he should be truthful and honest.
Lying is Dangerous; be Careful With Your Child if he Lies:
In psychology there is Behavioral Science that studies human tendencies. It shows that some people tend to be cautious, other people tend to be trustful with other, some tend to be happy and sh3er tend to frown … etc
((A believer is naturally disposed to all the traits))
There is no problem with all these traits except,
((Except betrayal and lying))
If he lies or betrays he is not a true believer; this is exactly what the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said in one of his As7adeth,
((A believer can never be a liar))
If your child makes a mistake, which could be a big one, you may forgive him. However, lying is an unforgivable mistake; it is a deadly one.
Lying is the Most Dangerous Issue in Educating Children:
Dear brother, our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
((Four traits whoever possesses them is a hypocrite and whoever possesses some of them has an element of hypocrisy until he leaves it: the one who when he speaks he lies, when he promises he breaks his promise, when he disputes he transgresses and when he makes an agreement he violatesit))
"Four traits whoever possesses them is a hypocrite," one of them is lying. . Lying should have no place in the Islamic house; the wife does not lie to her husband, nor does the husband lie to his wife, the child does not lie to his farther, nor does the father lie to his child. Lying is almost the most dangerous issue in educating children. Be always honest and never lie.
Some of you may ask; did not our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, allow the husband to lie to his wife?! I have noticed that the couples misunderstood the prophetic saying. The husbands thought that they can lie to their wives in everything. For instance, the husband tells his wife that prices are doubled to make her take that into consideration. The wife tells her sister, who visits her that her husband has paid eight thousand liras to buy something, but her sister says that the real price is four thousand liras. As a result, The husband will be a liar in front of his wife. Subhana Allah (Glory be to Allah,) His great Wisdom never lets lying last for a long time.
Allah is the Most Wise and the All-knower; He allows the husband to lie to his wife in one case only; if the wife asks her husband to tell her how much he loves her, and he answers that he loves her so much although he may not love her that much. In this case the husband is lying, but his lie will keep the ties with his wife strong and his house will be full of love. Similarly, the wife is permitted to lie to her husband if he asks her about how much she loves him. Her answer should be what he really expected from her to say. Familial ties will keep strong if the husband and wife express their love to each other the way each one of them prefers. In other words, lying in expressing one’s love to his/ her spouse will help keep the relations at home between the couple and the children strong; that is why it is permitted in this case only.
The Prophet, may Allah have peace and blessings upon him, had his own way when he wanted to express his love. Listen to what he used to say to his wife Aeyshah. She, may Allah be pleased with her, once asked him, "How is your love for me?" He answered, "As the loop of the rope." She kept asking him about his love for her from time to time saying, "How is the loop?" He PBUH answered, "As it is; a strong loop." He was always honest with his wife when he used to express his love for her.
The husband has no right at all to lie to his wife apart from what I mentioned above. The lie of the husband will be uncovered sooner or later, so the husband will be a liar in the eyes of his wife. Never ever allow to yourself to lie to your wife except in, "Do you love me? " "Yes I do." This answer is relieving to your wife, and it will help keep the ties solid. As you know not all marriages are based on love. Some are based on the mutual interest. Thus, you are permitted to lie to keep this sacred relation strong especially if you have kids.
Islam is not merely Prayer, Fasting, Zakat and Hajj; it is a Moral Structure:
Dear brother,
((It is incumbent upon you to be always truthful, for truthfulness guides to absolute piety and piety leads to Paradise.))
Listen again,
((A man who always tells the truth and pursues the truth is written with Allaah as a truthful one. Refrain from lying, for lying guides to sinfulness and sinfulness leads to Hellfire. A man continues to tell lies and pursues lies until he is written with Allaah as a liar.))
Dear Brother, when Nagashi the king asked Ja'afar to tell him about Islam, Ja’afar answered him saying,
((We were people of ignorance, worshiping idols, eating dead meat, doing fornication, cutting relations with our kinship, wronging our neighbors, and our powerful eating the weak. We used to be that way until Allah sent us a Messenger of us whom we knew his relations, honesty, truthfulness, and abstinence. He called us for Allah to worship him alone, and leave off what we used to worship, like our fathers, of stones and idols. He commanded us with to be true with our speech, return the deposits, and be kind to our kinship and neighbors. He prevented us from what is wrong and from bloods, and forbad us from fornication, telling lies, eating the money of the orphans, and accusing the chaste wives.))
By Allah dear brother, is not it what Islam all about? Listen again how this dignified companion explains Islam, 
((…to be true with our speech, return the deposits, and be kind to our kinship and neighbors.))
I keep repeating the Prophet’s saying,
((Islam is built upon five [pillars]: the testimony that there is no god but Allaah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah; establishing regular prayer (salaah); paying the zakaah; Hajj (pilgrimage) and fasting Ramadaan.))
Does it mean that Islam is only Testimony, Prayer, Fasting, Hajj (Pilgrimage) and Zakat (Obligatory Charity)? The meaning of Islam goes beyond these acts of worship; it is a moral structure.
Islam Will Vanish Once Virtues and Morals are Taken Away From it:
Dear brother, I repeat what I said earlier; the minute we detach morals and virtues from Islam, Islam will be nothing, Muslims will be worthless to Allah and Allah will suspend His Promises to the believers. Allah says,
﴾Allah has promised those of you who believe and do good deeds that He will most surely make them vicegerent in the earth as He made their ancestors before them, and that He will establish for them their religion, the one which He has chosen for them, and that He will change their present state of fear into peace and security. Let them worship Me Alone and not to commit shirk with Me; and if anyone rejects faith after this, it is they who are the transgressors﴿
Promises to the Believers will be Suspended if They do not Have Good Manners:
If we do not understand Islam as a moral entity, all promises made to us by Allah will be suspended. . Does not Allah say,
﴾and that Our forces will surely be victorious ﴿
Does not He say,
﴾it is due on Us to help the Believers ﴿
Does not He say,
﴾We surely will help Our Messengers and the believers both in this world’s life and on the Day when the witnesses will take a stand to testify ﴿
Does not Allah say,
﴾Allah will not leave the way for the unbelievers to triumph over the believers ﴿
How many promises are there? If we do not have good manners, all these promises will be suspended. This is the situation of Muslims nowadays; their promises are suspended, "The entire religion is good character, so the one who exceeds you in good character, has exceeded you in religion."
Truthfulness is the Best Thing a Father Teaches his Child:
Dear Brother, the house where there is truthfulness, is a great house and a blessed one. It is a house where there is mutual understanding and harmony. By Allah dear brother, if lying no more exists in our daily lives, we will be in better situation.
Once I was sitting with some people whom were telling lies to each other. When I went out leaving those people, a person asked me, "Where were you? I answered him, "I was in a meeting of lying." All people there were lying; they were praising themselves and their children. All what they said was nonsense. I tell you, be truthful!
The house where there is truthfulness is a blessed house. Lying is the main reason of almost all problems; exaggerating is lying, belittling sh3er is lying, disinformation is lying and showing off is lying. Actually there are innumerous types of lying.
So, the most precious Medal of Honor the believer has is his truthfulness, and the best lesson the father teaches his son is the one about truthfulness. If you taught your son to be truthful, and he broke a vase one day but admitted that, you should not punish him.
Truthfulness Guides to Absolute Piety and Piety Leads to Paradise:
By Allah brother, I have a young brother whom I am very proud of. He has a factory that his father has opened for him in Egypt. While he was driving his car, he had an accident. The man who was in the other car died. He was over 90 years old. Our brother called up the factory manager and told him what happened. The manager told him, "Relax, just come to so and so police station." An hour later, he arrived at that police station only to find that everything was settled. The minutes of the accident were against the reality. They made it look like as if the person who died was the one who hit him, and that it was the mistake of the old man. Consequently, the person in charge told him to sign, but he refused saying, "This is not what happened." He said: "Just sign". The young man said, "No, I won’t." He said, "That’s weird! This is the first time I try to bring a person out of a trouble and he brings himself back into it." The young man replied: "I don’t want you to save me. I want to be saved from Allah’s Punishment. I will not sign on anything except that which has happened." So he signed on a statement indicating that he was responsible for the accident. He paid the penalty for that and he employed the old man’s children in the factory. This young man is knowledge seeker; because he fears Allah, he refused to sign the report that revolved around fabricated events.
The true believer never lies. There are many other similar stories; one of them is about the truthfulness of Abdul Kader Al-Jilani, who is one of the greatest Muslim scholars. When he was young, his mother gave him forty golden dinars to pursue his studies in Baghdad. On his way, a gang of burglars stopped him. They were divided into groups, so the first group asked him, "How much money do you have?" He replied, "I have forty golden dinars." The thieves did not believe me, so they let him go. The other group stopped him and asked him the same question. The young man answered them saying, "I have forty golden dinars." They took him to the leader of their gang telling him about the answer of the young man. The leader asked him, "Why are you telling us the truth about the money you have?" The lad replied, "I promised my mother to be always truthful, and never tell lies. I will never dare to betray our accord." The leader of the gang told him sadly, "You don’t dare to betray your accord with your mother, and I dared to betray mine with Allah." He cried a lot and decided to repent and turn to Allah, and all the members of the gang did the same.
By Allah dear brother, there are many other stories about how truthfulness saves you, and how lying endangers you. Thus,
((It is incumbent upon you to be always truthful, for truthfulness guides to absolute piety and piety leads to Paradise. A man who always tells the truth and pursues the truth is written with Allaah as a truthful one. Refrain from lying, for lying guides to sinfulness and sinfulness leads to Hellfire. A man continues to tell lies and pursues lies until he is written with Allaah as a liar. ))
A Man Who Always Tells and Pursues the Truth is Written as a Truthful One:
((A person asked the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, "What save the slave from the hellfire?" He answered, "Believing in Allah." Then the man asked, "Any work with belief? "The Prophet PBUH answered, "Giving charity to the poor." He asked, "What if he cannot?" The Prophet PBUH answered, "Then, he can command good and forbid wrong." He said, "What if he cannot?" The prophet PBUH answered, "Then, he can give aid to his brother." He said, "What if he cannot?" At that moment the Prophet PBUH started to get angry and said, "Can’t he do any good; he cannot give charity, he cannot command good and forbid wrong and he cannot help his brother! So at least he can abstain from hurting people around him." The man said, "Would this be enough to save him from hellfire?" The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Whoever sticks to any of the aforementioned deeds, I will lead him to Paradise by his hands."))
When you are truthful, your truthfulness guides you to absolute piety. For example, the father asks his son, "Have you prayed Ish’a son?" Because the son pledged Allah to be always truthful, he will tell the truth saying, "No Dad, not yet." The father says, "Let us pray it together." If the son says that he has prayed, then the father keeps silent because he knows very well that his son is telling the truth. I repeat time and time again,
((Truthfulness guides to absolute piety and piety leads to Paradise. A man who always tells the truth and pursues the truth is written with Allaah as a truthful one.))
Watchfulness Entails Efforts, but its Results are Very Relieving:
The best lesson the father teaches to his children is truthfulness. However, keeping an eye on your children needs a lot of efforts. . If you ask him, "Where have you been?" and he answers you, "I have been with my friend." You should look for the truth once you doubt that he is lying. Ask for the name of his friend, his telephone number and try to call him even. It is not easy for a father to believe the fabricated stories of his son. I know that this checking process is time consuming. Watchfulness needs patience and hard working; that is why some parents prefer to relax and take things easy. They believe whatever their children say. When parents do not look for the truth or check everything their children say, they teach their children to lie.
When the parents check the stories and excuses claimed by their children and decide to punish them or not to do so, they give a good example of how parenthood should be. It is to keep an eye on your children. Listen to the following dialogue which may take place between a mother and her daughter,
The mother: Where have you been daughter?
The daughter: With my friend. (She is lying, because she has been with her boyfriend.)
The mother: Give me her telephone number.
The daughter: I don’t have it.
The mother: Have your seat in the car and show me the way to her house.
On their way she confesses that she was with her boyfriend. When the children notice that their parents are closely watching them, their behavior change to the better.
I worked at an educational establishment many years ago. I used to write down the orders I gave to the employees in an agenda in order to make sure the next day that the assigned work was done. About three weeks later, all the employees thought that I never forget what I said. I sometimes forget what I said, but writing down everything enabled me to remind the employees of their assignments. I want you to do the same thing; parents should write down every instruction they give to their children in order to remind them of it the next day. Also you should write down the promises of your children, so you can remind them of their promises the minute they break them.
Fathers teach their children to lie when they believe their fabricated stories instead of checking whether their children tell the truth or not. Unfortunately, I am inclined to believe that all mistakes committed by children are the very results of their parents’ mistakes. There is no bad child in nature; the bad education is what makes children bad.
Truthfulness is Trust, Whereas Lying is Deception
Dear Brother, Truthfulness is trust, whereas lying is deception. Listen to the following Hadith,
((It is great treachery that you should tell your brother something and have him believe you when you are lying.))
You should be ashamed of yourself if you lie to your brother about something, while he believes you. You should be ashamed of your treachery,
((It is great treachery that you should tell your brother something and have him believe you when you are lying.))
Lying even in trivial things is still lying. It is narrated that Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was in one of his relative’s house, and he heard a woman talking to her child. She said, "Come here dear to get this." The Prophet PBUH turned to her and said, "What did you want to give him?" She replied, "A date." He said, "If you had been pretending to give him something to make him come to you, this would have been considered a lie."
One of my relatives lives in America, but he came to Syria in summer. His son was a hyperactive child, so his grandmother got angry with him. She wanted to find a way to make him calm down. Thus, she said, "If you keep silent, I will take you to a wonderful place in the evening." . The poor little child believed her and stayed calm. When evening came, his grandmother didn’t keep her promise, so he said, "You are a liar."
All of us Should be Truthful, for the Truthful is a Dignified Man:
Dear brother, fathers should be the exemplars to their children. Therefore, never ever lie to your children or to your wife. Tell the truth even if it is bitter.
Imagine that you went to Beirut and one of your friends asked you to bring him something from there. You came back and forgot to bring him what he wanted. If he asked you about it and you answered that you could not find it in any shop, he would keep silent because he had no means to check whether you told the truth or not. However, did not you feel that there was something wrong inside yourself? When you lied to him, you underestimated yourself. Tell him the truth even if it is difficult to do so with your dearest friend. Tell him that you forgot to bring what he wanted. He might get upset, but you would be relieved because you did not lie to him.
In many cases, people whom you are lying to may not be able to check whether you are saying the truth or not. Be truthful no matter how difficult it is to tell the truth. It is only the truth which can save you, not lying.
You, fathers, msh3er, old brother, shop owners, factory owners, directors of hospitals and heads of universities, be truthful.
Believe it or not; someone came from the Madian to Al-Basra to take a Prophetic saying from one of its narrators. Before he came closer to the narrator, the man noticed that the narrator’s horse refused to come to him, so he pretended that he had some food for his horse in his gown. The horse came nearer to his owner thinking that he had barely, so the narrator was able to catch it. At once the man decided not to take the Hadith from that narrator, for he lied to his horse. He forgot all about the Hadith and got back home. He thought that the one who lied to his horse was not qualified to tell the As7adeth of Prophet Muhammad, may Allah have peace and blessings upon him. .
The Dearest Man to Allah is the Penitent One:
Dear brother,
((Truthfulness guides to absolute piety and piety leads to Paradise.))
If you are truthful with people, you will be truthful with yourself and with Allah after a while. I swear by Allah, if lying were abolished from our lives, we would be in a better situation, because everyone would be truthful; women, men, employees and directors etc… You may tell lies and no one will be able to discover that, but you should always be truthful.
((It is great treachery that you should tell your brother something and have him believe you when you are lying.))
It is mentioned in the Tradition that,
((I love three people, and my love for other three is more. I love the obedient, but I love the obedient young man more.))
This means that an eighty-year old man is not supposed to disobey Allah, but a young man who is in his teens is driven by his lusts, so he is more likely to commit sins. This young man is the dearest one to Allah if he turns to Him in repentance.
((Allah is proud of his repentant young man. He says to his angels, " Look at my slave, he quit his lust for my sake."))
Listen again,
((I love three people, but my love for other three is more. I love the obedient, but my love for the obedient young man is more; I love the humble, but my love for the humble rich man is more.))
If you meet a true believer who is rich, you would like to be like him because of his modesty and generosity.
((…and I love the generous , but my love for the generous poor man is more.))
Allah loves the obedient, , but He loves the obedient young man more. He loves the humble, but He loves the humble rich man more. He loves the generous, but He loves the generous poor man more.
It is also reported that,
((I hate three people, and my hate for other three people is more. I hate the disobedient, but I hate the disobedient old man more. I hate the arrogant, but I hate the arrogant poor man more…))
Now, how can the poor be arrogant? Simply by lying and pretending to be rich.
Islam is an Objective Approach; You Should Apply it in Order to Yield its Fruits:
Dear brother, we should think deeply of what is happening at our homes. There is no need to give your child lectures; it is enough to be his exemplar. You should be his exemplar in order to be able to ask him to do good deeds. It is enough that you, his mother or his old brother is his exemplar. You may think that educating children needs to give them information, but I tell you that educating them is something totally different. We have a rule which refers to the fact that making use of something does not require necessarily being knowledgeable about it. Let me explain this by giving you an example; A highly educated man, who has PH.D at a well known university, knows very well that he should press the on button to operate the air conditioner. Also he knows how it works from inside to get a hot or cold air. Now, if an illiterate person buys an air conditioner and presses the same button, what will happen? The same thing, i.e. the air-conditioner works. Pressing the button to make the air conditioner work does not necessitate that you should be an educated person. Thus, scholars say that making use of something does not require being knowledgeable about it.
In brief, when your child or anybody else is truthful, he will yield the fruits of truthfulness no matter how much he knows about the philosophy of it. Likewise, when someone lies, he will yield the fruits of lying no matter how much information he knows about lying.
Our religion is great, because it is an objective approach. Whether you deeply analyze it or not, it is enough to apply it if you want to yield its fruits.
All Members of Your Family Should be Truthful
All the members of the family should be truthful starting with the father and ending with the youngest member. The latest studies have referred to the fact that baby cries even if he is cleaned and fed , simply because he is used to be carried by his mother each time he cries. A father may not carry his little baby if he cries, because he knows that his child is cleaned and fed. There is no reason for his crying, so the father will not carry him. After a while the baby will not cry without a reason, because the father makes him used to this.
Dear Brother, the parents suffer a lot when their children grow up because of the mistakes they made when their children were young.
